Swinger Party Etiquette for Your First Night Out

• Agree on boundaries as a couple, in detail, a few days before
• Decide on a signal that means "let's leave", no questions asked
• Read the event details: who it is for, dress code, house rules, entry fee
• Ask the host anything you are unsure about. Good hosts are happy to explain
• Plan how you will get home

Follow the dress code. When in doubt, dress a little smarter than you think you need to. Bring photo ID, your own protection, mints, a change of clothes if it is a long night, and a small bag. Leave anything valuable at home.

• Ask before you touch anyone, every time, even a light touch on the arm
• No means no. "Not tonight" means no. Silence means no
• Ask both partners of a couple, not just one
• Anyone can stop at any moment, including halfway through
• Respect closed doors and curtains. An open door may mean watching is welcome, but ask

Be friendly and social. Most of the evening is talking, drinking and dancing, not play. Do not stare or hover. Keep your phone in your bag and never take photos. Drink moderately, because consent and alcohol do not mix well. Be kind to the staff and the host, they decide who comes back.

A simple "thank you, but we're not looking for that tonight" is all it takes. You do not owe anyone a reason. When you hear a no, smile, say thanks and move on. Pushing after a no is the fastest way to be asked to leave and not invited again.

Many couples spend their first party, and sometimes their first few, only watching, talking and dancing. Nobody will mind. If you want to go a step further, soft swap friendly events are a gentle start.

Talk as a couple the next morning. What did you enjoy, what made you uncomfortable, what would you change next time. If you met people you liked, a short thank you message is good manners.